I can do this.

“What happened to you from the first day? I mean, you were so nice and stuff, and now you’re…mean.” Well, I think this week was the first time in my life that anybody has ever called me mean. A lot of teachers, at least around here, take being called mean as a compliment. I wasn’t quite sure how to feel about it. Then I thought about it a little more. What this girl perceived as me being mean was really just me not letting her get away with doing whatever she wants to do in class. Hey, maybe I’m just finally in charge now…

3 weeks in. I guess we’re starting to get the hang of it. It’s still stressful and exhausting, but at least it’s more of a routine.

A few messages to my students:

-       “Can you come here? I can’t do this.” Saying this in the particular way that you do it does not really make me want to help you. Try this: “Mr. Vander Haak, I’m having trouble understanding this. Could you please help me?”

-       When I say, “Complete the entire worksheet”, I’d prefer not to have eight different people ask me, “Do I answer these questions?” Are they on the worksheet? If the answer to this question is “yes”, please refer back to my original instructions.

-       I can usually notice when things are copied from the Internet. Please don’t do it. I’m not sure if you expected me not to notice (even when you used words like “forb”), or if you just didn’t expect me to do anything about it. I don’t like giving out zeros for plagiarism (and I’m sure you don’t either).

-       When I ask you to wait to go to the bathroom when there is somebody else out already, your sound of disgust is not appreciated. Realize that there is a school policy about letting more than one student leave the classroom at once.

-       “What are we supposed to be doing?” This is a question that should not be asked: (1) when I am in the middle of explaining the directions, or (2) after I have explained the directions, they are up on the board, and, just in case, I have also printed them at the top of your handout.

-       Conversation I have had with more than one of you:
    You: “I don't know how to answer this question.”
    Me: “Have you read the question?”
    You: “No.”
    Me: “Okay, then read the question.”
    You: Reads the question. “Oh, I get it now.”
Can you see how this conversation is unnecessary?

Well, most of my stress comes from students preferring to talk through an entire class period rather than allow me to give 30 seconds of directions and their desire for me to hold their hands and do the work for them (especially after they have completely missed the directions) when I know they are all capable of doing it on their own.

This post has probably sounded mostly like me complaining about my students (probably because that’s what I’ve been doing). Most students seem to be perfectly reasonable, respectful, logical people outside of class, but then we put them all together into a classroom, and it’s like they forget what they’re capable of.

An “I can’t do this” student (see message number one) comes into my classroom after school and politely asks me for help with Chemistry. After 5 minutes, she leaves saying, “Oh, that wasn’t so hard.”

This complaining about my students shouldn’t convince you that I’ve lost faith in them. It really seems to me that way too many students have way too little confidence and self-sufficiency when it comes to school, when outside of the classroom they can be just the opposite. We just need to find a way to bridge that gap between outside and inside the classroom.

Message to students:

-       I don’t want to hear “I can’t do this” one more time, because you can.

My classroom may be a little crazy at times, but I’m doing my best to stay sane. I still somehow get plenty of sleep at night and this weekend I got away with doing maybe three hours of work. Yesterday, we went out to “The Pyramid” (a very large outdoors store/restaurant/bowling alley/hotel/aquarium/taxidermy display) with a group from church. It was nice to not spend the whole day working, and there was fudge there, so of course we had to get 6 different flavors. Then that night we had some friends over for dinner and games and a quick run to Chick-fil-A, arriving 5 minutes before they closed. Hey, if we can find time for stuff other than work, maybe that’s a start toward modeling the “I can do this” attitude for my students. It’s hard, but I think it’s starting to get better.

- David

Vander, No Haak

"Hey, you be careful!" the woman called out the open window of her truck as she drove up next to me. "Memphis is crazy! I'm sure I'm not the first to tell you. You watch yourself!"

I was driving home (well, first to Chick-fil-A) at 7:30 on a Friday after grading for 3 hours. David's off at a wedding in Texas, and I just wanted to get some work done.

So I was finally relaxing (well, partially contemplating the parents I was going to have to call to inform them of their child's detention at 6:30 in the morning), windows rolled down (it's been excitingly cool lately!), when the lady called out to me.

Honestly, first when she called out to me, I had a moment of panic where I thought I was somehow driving incorrectly. I conclude that she was well-meaning. But it makes me think, do I have a giant glowing sign stuck to my forehead? Or does driving a bug, wearing a skirt out of the 50s, and being white, 22, and female, just chock me up as naive?

Given that my voice is going from yelling (not angry yelling, just an attempt to be heard), I feel surprisingly optimistic.

Some highlights from the journal entries I spent 3 hours grading...

If you could change one school rule, what would you pick and why?

• "I would like to change the rule on tucking in shirts. It makes me feel as if my body is being pulled down as my back is hunched to keep it from untucking. It hurts my back yo!"
• "I think the school should change the rule on tucking in your shirt. I feel like it's completely unnecessary that you have to tuck in your shirt. It can be a waste of time to do because, if you need to get to class and you need to tuck in your shirt, you can end up being late for class. I feel also very angry when it's hot, and you have to keep your shirt tucked in (which makes it hotter)."

What is something you have learned so far?

• "I learned about poverty. I also learned about word play."
• "So far I have learned to open my mind and think outside the box."
• "I have learned how to work well with others."
• "I've learned more vocabulary to use like countenance and meticulous. The meticulously girl lost her homework so she countenancely looked for it."

What is something that helped you or that you enjoyed?

• I have enjoyed just English and Ms. Vandy in general."
• "I love that we have discussions like today. They are fun and everyone gets to discuss their opinions on whatever the topic."
• "Today was kinda fun."
• "I've enjoyed that participating takes a big part."
• "You shouldn't trust everyone."
• "I learned so far that English is fun."

What is something I could change to help you more?

• "You shouldn't have to change anything."
• "Could change by giving notes."
• "Stop ALL These Journal Entry!!!"
• "Well we could start by getting rid of some people."
• "There is nothing that you could do but what you are doing because you already helped me."
• "Talk more to me."
• "Stop me from talking a lot."

Anything else you'd like to tell me?

• "Hi!"
• "I like your class."
• "No not really."
• "I'm a very smart student I just talk a lot."
• "Nothing much but thank you for the help!"
• "Nothing at all because it is good."

Reading journals...

• "So far Mr. Bingley is getting to know the girls independently. He doesn't want them to turn against each other. The mom doesn't care about anything but the man's money. She really doesn't care about her daughters happiness sadly."

So, after that obviously very biased account of my teaching (although the "thank you" came from a boy whom I had given a morning detention to after he skipped afternoon detention twice, and then he sent me a rather rude email, so I was surprised at his turnaround) - all I can say is that I walked the halls after school today with one thought beating through me: I LOVE MY STUDENTS.

Even the ones who talk too much. 

And maybe even the ones who throw paper balls. 

When they're not together.

And the students whom I supervised eating wings in my room at lunch. And left sauce on the desks. 

The students who have already read 400 pages. And those who have read 2.

The students from whom I have confiscated a growing pile of pencils with which they slap each other.

Even that boy who told me today that I hated him (after I called him out for talking out of turn). I pointed out that I didn't hate him. Actually, I thought he was pretty funny (I broke out laughing in the middle of class when he followed up his chant of "Kool Aid, no sugar, fried chicken, no potatoes," with "Vander, no Haak"), and if we were friends, I would really like him. But as I am his teacher, he can't talk that much. To which another boy said, "But we are your friends!"

I love all my students.

P.S. Sometimes I feel like I'm 15 all over again, and sometimes I feel like I'm 50 already. 

One week down.

We made it through the first week of school! - a week that included...

• 1st question of the week: "What religion are you?" This, after me reading my "I am from" poem to the students to introduce myself and model the form they would also use. The question quickly turned into "What race are you?" The other students laughed, and this turned into "Where are you from? There were a lot of words in there I didn't understand."
  
• A think-pair-share on how English will help you reach your goals, which resulted in a boy telling me that a larger vocabulary would help him get women. To illustrate this, he told me that I am "alluring." "Excuse me?" I said. "Alluring?! You don't want to say that to your teacher. Do you know what that means?" "Beautiful," he said. (Okay, it's still weird to tell your teacher she's beautiful, but not as bad as alluring.) "This is a great time for us to look at the difference between denotation and connotation," I said. And so I went on, after reviewing scrawny vs. slender, to pull the definition of "alluring" up on the board.
  
• 3 students finishing their 1st independent reading books (while most of the class is still on page 5).
  
• A discussion on which American ideal is most important - freedom, hope, justice, or individuality? The hope group said without hope, everything else is meaningless (this was also my opinion). The other groups got into a debate about slavery. The justice and freedom groups argued about if slavery was overturned by freedom or justice, and what Harriet Tubman was really fighting for. The individuality group contended that if you're an individual, even if you're a slave, you can "pick your own cotton." When I pointed out that if you're a slave, it's not your cotton, a boy told me, "You've got to own it. You've got to feel like it's your cotton." I changed the debate to "Does freedom or justice come first?" (since this was the core argument in the slavery debate), which led into how we don't have justice. One boy said, "We don't have justice in America because if I was shot, no one would care."
  
• In the midst of the above debate, a boy on the freedom team called someone else "stupid." I went over and sort of glared at him and told him off, accidentally getting a bit closer than I had intended ("in his face," he said). A couple of minutes later, a different boy called someone else "stupid." "Go over there and get in his face! Do your batman pose!" the first boy called, apparently imitating me, legs spread out, hands on hips.
  
• A young man checked out The Complete Works of Shakespeare for his independent reading book. The next day he showed up with another book, but he assures me he is going to return to Shakespeare after.
  
• A young lady telling David she doesn't like my class because I don't let her sleep, and the same young lady telling me she doesn't like David because he took away her phone.
  
• Grading 75 100-question multiple choice tests in booklets. Never again.
  
• My first ever parent phone calls! No, I didn't call because someone was in trouble, just to introduce myself. Amazing how the tone of the parent changes when you clarify that.
  
  Second week coming up!
  
  Love to all,
  Anneke 

Drive-in Milkshakes - Welcome to America

This week was a bit of an odd one. We had professional development, setup, and registration at school Monday-Thursday and then Saturday. (We still worked Friday, of course, but not technically required.) After the blur of making it to Thursday, and feeling somewhat off kilter, we decided to go for milkshakes Thursday night.

Which brings us to sitting in the Sonic drive-in Thursday, circa 8:30, reading over the menu.

Me: "Half price milkshakes after 8pm!"

David: "That's a lot more reasonable than 2am-4am, like at Steak and Shake."

Me: "Did you know, that was also 2pm-4pm."

David: "Then why didn't we go then?!?!"

Me: "I tried. I guess it doesn't have the same allure for college students."

Which of course brought back 2am Steak and Shake runs. That time I went to sleep, got back up from 2am-4am, and then slept a couple more hours before getting up for class. That time before Christmas vacation my flatmates and I dyed our hair, got milkshakes at 2am, and then I slept 45 minutes before my flight back to Tokyo.

The thing is, none of those times were entirely voluntary, or at least entirely my idea. I had always told myself it was one of those insane things American college students did, and I went along with it as a friend.

And then Thursday night, David and I went out and got milkshakes (okay, actually Blasters) at 8:30pm. And we got fries to boot! And we sat in the drive-in.

Maybe I'm finally turning into an American.

First day of school tomorrow!