Babies are amazing. I mean, they don't exist, and then they do, and they grow, and they pop out, and then THERE THEY ARE. Wolfgang's sheer existence shocked me for days. But before Wolfgang, I'd seen a fair number of babies. What really struck me as a miracle was that my body produced and sustains one. For thousands of years women have carried, birthed, and nursed babies, and yet every step of the way I remained convinced my body simply wouldn't do it. Because it's so amazing - you do nothing (well, virtually), and your body just does it! Your body knows what to do - it's programmed to do it. That is such clear and awe-inspiring evidence of God's handiwork to me.
Do you remember the first time you drove on the highway? I was terrified. All I could think about was how if any of us cars messed up a little bit, our lives were on the line. It was all so real and immediate. Then, it became mundane, and what I call "video game driving." We don't think about the reality of it much. I don't want to say I am "video game parenting" now, because that sounds bad, but the reality of Wolfgang is no longer shocking to me. He is there and needs to be cared for, so you show up and do what you have to do. Somewhere along the line, you just accept that you are a parent now. The first few nights when I woke up, I would blearily think, "Somebody needs to get their baby to stop crying." It was a sad moment when I realized that baby was mine, and if I didn't do something, nobody would.
As a result, I now visualize fewer ways Wolfgang could die on a regular basis, but, you know, they still happen. (Everyone does that, right?) At first it would just be on normal occasions, when I was carrying him. I would visualize dropping him and his head rolling off. That probably wouldn't medically happen, but it terrified me. The other day I was cuddling Wolfgang on the couch when the oven timer went off. I was pretty sure my bread wasn't done yet, so I contemplated just carrying Wolfgang to the kitchen with me to check. Then I visualized opening the oven and accidentally dropping him in so that he rolled on the door towards the hot coils. Sometimes my mind is a terrible place to live. Sorry if I have now given you terrible images. Or maybe just welcome to the club. (At least I no longer check to make sure he's still breathing.)
Here are some disconnected thoughts on my experience of motherhood so far:
1) Babies produce a lot of laundry. Duh, right? I fully expected Wolfgang to spit up, pee, and other things upon his own clothing. But the amount he would do it upon other things did not occur to me. When he spits up on his own outfit, he creates a handful of laundry. When he spits up on my outfit, he creates an armload of laundry. When he spits up on my outfit twice in one day, two armloads. Then of course, there's when he spits up all over our bed or the couch....
2) Laundry is time-consuming. I regularly spend 30 minutes folding laundry. Sure, maybe I'm slow, but all those tiny baby clothes and cloths are so finicky!
3) I apologize for all thoughts I ever had about how stay-at-home moms must have a lot of free time. During one of the early weeks, when I started to fold laundry after dinner, David said, "Oh, it's still productive time?" And sleep-deprived grumpy Anneke shot back, "All time has to be productive time now."
4) Despite all of this, and despite everyone telling me how hard it would be, it doesn't have to be! I'm not out to shame anybody (oh, the mom blogs!), and obviously I only know one baby here, but things don't have to be that bad. If I'd known this beforehand, I would have tolerated many things less, and thus found solutions to them much earlier. For example, due to all the warnings about PURPLE crying, I tried to endure Wolfgang crying up to 9 hours a day, mostly from an upset stomach. I informed the pediatrician about this at his next appointment, she suggested a medication, and our lives instantly improved.
5) Babies are very individual. It is so hard not to compare, because we're all trying to figure out how our baby is progressing, but babies do things at different rates, in different ways, and the vast majority are still fine!
6) Baby clothing sizes are a total joke. For starters, different brands have totally different standards. If you think women's clothing sizes are bad, you have yet to encounter baby clothing sizes. Some of Wolfgang's current size of pants are two inches longer than other pairs. And two inches is a lot of his body length, so that's quite substantial. Secondly, who decided what size a baby is when? I'm sure it's an average of some sort, but Wolfgang has been in 3-6 month clothing since he was 1.5 months old, and some of this 6M clothing is starting to not fit (he's less than 3 months old). Also, baby socks? I know I have a Dutch baby, but why do the 18-month socks now fit?!
7) Babies grow at extraordinary rates. For their proportion, yes, gaining 30%+ of their body weight in a month. But also just in general! Wolfgang grew 2 inches in one month. Who does that?!
8) Things get so much better. There are so many things that I've already forgotten to appreciate. I appreciate it the first time it goes more smoothly, then totally forget about it, and take it for granted! Like Wolfgang used to scream every time we buckled him in his car seat. Now he only gets a little fussy if he's tired.
9) Babies develop so quickly! I am shocked by the things Wolfgang accomplishes in one fell swoop. He used to scream every time we bathed him. Then one day he stopped and never looked back. He gave up his 3am feeding at 2 months and simply never needed it again. There was no on again, off again.
10) Parents can do things completely differently and NO ONE IS WRONG and NO ONE IS EVIL. Do not believe the Internet articles. Just not reading them is probably the best call. For example, I schedule Wolfgang, and I love it. It saved my sanity and works well for him. However, my parents did not schedule me, and I still sleep fine (well, I used to, before Wolfgang...) and have self-control. There is no do or die. (As long as you aren't, you know, shaking your baby or putting him on his stomach to sleep or giving him honey or something.)
11) When babies start smiling for real, things get so much better! Everyone likes to feel appreciated, and when I live my whole day to serve a tiny human, it's nice to feel that he likes me back. It used to be just screaming or neutral. Now there's actually happy, and just seeing my face can elicit this reaction - that is the best feeling.
12) Joy can be and ought to be so simple. This morning in bed I was singing "Jingle Bells" and jingling a bell to Wolfgang. He started smiling so widely and wiggling in happiness. Then I realized that I was actually laughing. From happiness. I didn't realize that could be a natural reaction.
13) We're all going to do the things we thought adults were lame for doing when we were kids. "Oh, you're so big!" "You've grown so much!" I already say these things to Wolfgang.
14) Small accomplishments are a big deal. When my sister got excited because her son was able to hold a ball for the first time, I was like, wupp-di-doo (is there a standardized spelling for that?). But when my baby tried to reach out and bat something for the first time? I couldn't stop taking videos.
15) Facebook spies on you. Why did they start peppering me with motherhood articles and maternity clothes? How did they know when to switch to baby toys?! So be forewarned: do not click on anything related to parenting or babies if you do not want your entire feed turned into ads about subscription baby food services.
16) Despite what I said above about getting used to the reality of being a parent, the gravity of it all still hits me sometimes. David and I are essentially Wolfgang's entire world. He only sees and experience what we show him or do for him. When they discharge you from the hospital, it's just you. There's no authority checking up on you. If you adopt or foster, they do all these checks beforehand, and they follow up afterwards, but if you give birth, they just let you go!
17) Wolfgang likes Christmas because he likes the lights and bells. This is such a delightful enjoyment of Christmas. Obviously it's shallow, since he doesn't know about Jesus, let alone about his birth, but it's also not commercial - no presents or cookies required.
18) I don't believe babies have different cries for different needs. For a while I thought I was a bad mother because I couldn't distinguish Wolfgang's cries. Now I have decided I think the whole thing is a sham. Plus, my sister told me she read about a study disproving it. If you can understand your baby's cries, good for you. I just use context clues, like learning vocabulary words.
19) Why do they make baby shirts? He's already wearing a onesie, and then a sweater on top of that if we go out. At what level is the shirt supposed to go?!
20) You know, I feel like there should be a 20th point here to even it out, but nothing comes to mind...so, Merry Christmas! That's a good point to end on :)
Love & shalom,
Anneke
