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Sometimes, when it gets to be so much

and I want to cry from looking into your tired eyes
and I lost the girl whose boyfriend is in a coma
and the boy whose 12-year-old sister just died
or the girl who cussed and ran out
and I don't even know why

or a boy is crying in front of me
and I can't fix it

when I just want to hug
but sometimes touching incites

when you push up a sleeve and see death carved in red

when another girl is gone to a center for a week or two

when the anger bubbles out
and the cussing
the pushing
the breaking
comes
and punishing the behavior won't do anything

when he writes me a letter
when she tells me what happened when she was five

when you worry that calling home might cause abuse

when you watch the video and there's a gun slung around
and go home to hear gunshots outside your window

when you wonder how long the yelling is going to go on
when the kids laugh at fighting

when you buy school supplies
because mama just can't fit a notebook in right now

when you can never count on Internet

when she writes her influential person essay about her grandma
gives it to her grandma on her birthday
and two months later, grandma dies
when grandma's picture is still on her binder

when it starts to seem like everybody's brother has died

and a journal about "I'll never forget" that you imagined ending with birthday parties ends with gunshots and death

a memoir reveals running across the border and worries about death

when it starts to seem like death is lingering in the corner

but everyone still cuts each other down

when you hold the shaking girl
when you force down the food
when you hold her so she can't throw up

when he tells you there's no food at home

when it all blurs together:
Facebook threats
scars
pride
bright eyes
tired eyes
wet eyes

all that's left is silence.