My love story

A month ago my grandmother died, and I went to California for the funeral.

Many years ago now, my grandfather had a stroke, and although he's made much progress since the event, it still interferes with his language abilities. In more recent years, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, and this, combined with foot problems, has hampered her physically.

When I flew into LAX that Saturday morning, my aunt picked me up, and on the drive back to my now grandfather's house (I still get a chill anytime anyone refers to it as that), I commented, "Grandma and Grandpa had such a symbiotic relationship. She did all the mental things, and he did all the physical things."

"Exactly," Aunt Carla replied. "I always wondered what one would do without the other."

Monday afternoon, before the memorial service, I was in the kitchen with my grandfather, urging him to eat. "How are you doing?" I asked him.

"Oh, fine," he said at first, and mentioned something about feeling tired. Then he paused. "53 years we've been married. God said that the two become one flesh, and it's true. But now, I wake up every morning, and I'm alone."

***

About now you're probably wondering why I titled this post "My love story" if I'm going on about my grandparents. It's because of that comment. I cried when my grandfather said that, and I still cry when I think of it (writing this has made me tear up at my laptop now), but it's beautiful along with being tragic. It is true that God makes man and wife one flesh. We are joined in marriage in an inexplicable way. I can only aspire to 53 years. So here is my grandmother, my grandfather, and my husband.

***

I was in charge of the slideshow for my grandmother's funeral, and in a discussion of marriage photos, my grandfather said to make sure we used the car photo, because it was his favorite. So, here it is. This is my grandparents back in 1963, in my grandpa's favorite wedding photo.

Two last things about my grandparents and marriage: 1) Several people at the funeral mentioned how they always referred to their callings in the plural sense - "We were called to San Jose" and so forth & 2) I was also in charge of the portrait for the memorial service, and after selecting it, printing it 16x20, and framing it, I asked my grandfather if he'd like to see it. He nodded, so I led him from the kitchen into the living room, where the giant portrait of my grandmother grinning in front of the Grand Canyon stood in all its glory. He was silent, and after a couple of minutes, all he got out was, "It's good."

So thank you, Grandma and Grandpa, for being inspiring people, both in yourselves, your service to God, and your marriage.

Now here is my love story, because I love you, you have inspired me, and I would not be surviving Memphis without my David.

***

I returned from a sixth-month furlough in America to my house in Tokyo in December of sixth grade. A few days later, I was bustled over to a mission New Year's Eve party at my neighbor's house, and I was not at all impressed to be introduced to a new boy in my class. I do not think we talked for the remainder of the night. Honestly, I doubt we talked in the introduction.

In February of that year my mission went on our annual retreat to Karuizawa. One day we were making sandwiches for lunch, and my father and the boy's father pointed out that we made sandwiches similarly, taking care to get each layer to the edges of the bread. I was not very impressed.

Fast forward to eighth grade. I can't remember how it began, but we had one of those middle school mutual crushes. At the JAM (youth group) retreat we had an epic snowball fight. And, we were on the Brain Bowl team together (see photo).

One time I brought David chocolate chip cookies I had made, and my mother was alerted. "Is there anything going on there?" she asked.

"No!!!" I said.

At the eighth grade graduation banquet, David was the only boy I took a photo with. "Is there anything going on there?" my dad asked.

"No!!!" I said.

As high school started, we drifted apart, and although we were in the same study hall class (the class that made Monty cry), we rarely talked individually. However, it was my girl friend group and his guy friend group that got together for co-ed events. We all went in a group to the freshman banquet, so I took a photo with him.

The next year, when our class had a gym night, and whoever was in charge decided that of course all white people are friends, so all the white students should be in a group together, guess who that put together...! We're looking pretty glorious in our hyakuen hand-painted hakujin T-shirts.


And then, of course, the tenth grade banquet....

This picture takes place in our junior year of high school, and I've included it simply because I think it indicates a lot about our history that of course David was present at this moment in which I am jumping off the top of a play structure in a park in the middle of the night (Mom and Dad, if you're reading this, by "middle of the night," I mean 8pm, since we all know it gets early dark in Tokyo).

Next up is junior year banquet. I actually went to the banquet with the JAM leaders that year, and David was not a JAM leader, but he was friends with the boys in the group, so he came with us anyways. (It was fate, eh?) So, he was there the night we got no food at the "all-you-can-eat" buffet, my heel fell off running down the street in Shibuya, and we got Starbucks frappuccinos for dinner, before getting kicked out a building where we attempted to loiter to drink them.



Enter senior year (that fateful year!). This first photo is from a video that I completely forgot about. It must have been somebody's video class project, and we got roped into acting for it. As I recall, David was a nerd, and I was the girl he had a crush on. I think that fits well :D

And, of course, senior council! Good times, everybody. I appreciate all the set-ups.

And (drum roll)...study hall! We were in the same study hall, fourth period, and we'd go to the senior lounge, along with Sophia and Julia, who tirelessly threw us together and teased us, and we tirelessly attempted to shoot down.

I was contemplating switching study hall periods at Christmas, and my dad told me to ask David what he was doing, because he knew that David helped me with my calculus homework in study hall. Which is where it all began.... (So, thanks, Dad).

In the spring our senior class went to Thailand for a week, and David and I were in the same small group (thanks, senior council).

The rest, as they say, is history....

Senior banquet

High school graduation

All-night class graduation party at the beach

Disney Sea Graduation celebration

We went to Calvin together, though I discouraged David from following me. (Thanks for ignoring me, dear.) If you know David or I very well, you will know of our passion for The Lord of the Rings. However, it may take a deep level of dedication to the series for anyone else to figure out what character we're imitating here in the nature preserve.

Then, home again for summer....

Junior year, 21st birthday: my first personalized pie

On June 21, 2014, David led me on a seemingly wild goose chase across Kiyose to go to a supposed cool new breakfast restaurant he'd found. We approached a river, and he blindfolded me and led me down a grassy slope. When he took of the bandana, he revealed a brunch picnic set up under a canopy, beside the river. The feast was five courses, including pancakes he cooked on a skillet at the table and my mother's sticky bun recipe that I'd told him I liked. Partway through (five courses at once is a lot even for us), he took me over beside the river, kneeled down, and proposed.

"Of course," I said.

(Yes, Brian, if you read this, I did shove cake in David's face - and I think our marriage is doing just fine :) - maybe it can be a sign of playfulness instead.)

Thank you, Grandma.

Thank you, Grandpa.

Thank you, David.

I love you.

I thought a lot over what I would have to say about my grandma. She was the nicest person I know, but that seems a shallow thing to say. So I contemplated if she was the best person I know. You always want to say that of people when they die, but I didn't want to make it up. So I debated, weighing other "best" people that I could think of, and I decided that all of my grandparents and parents are the best people I know.

I don't say that against anyone else. I wish everyone could believe that their grandparents and parents are the best people they know.

I hope that one day our children can say that about us.

I had a lot of fun looking through photo memories to pick some out for this post. I was inspired for that part when I looked at David one night and thought how in love with him I was, and wanted to find one picture to post. I have to admit, I thought we were so cute, I couldn't just choose one. Yes, I feel silly saying that, but I hope that everyone can find that much joy and love in their own lives. After all, you're the one living your life.

On David's 18th birthday I made him 18 fortune cookies. The fortune inside each was something I liked about him. I used to rewrite song lyrics for him, too.

I don't do those things anymore - perhaps I should - instead I bake scones on Sunday morning, do the laundry, make him tea, sing loudly with the top down, buy him books, write emails to his family, give him the better pillows, and live this wild adventure together.

***

I love you much
most beautiful darling
more than anyone on the earth
and I like you better
than everything in the sky

-eecummings

***

XO,
Anneke

P.S. For anyone still with me, here are some post-marriage photos for your enjoyment.

 

Honeymoon cupcakes (thanks, Caitlin, although, 12? really?)

More LOTR, because the tree was too perfect

A cousin photo, because Grandma was so enthusiastic about taking it

And, finally, our infinity